I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
