Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
