don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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