normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
