Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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