oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
sex in a hospital.. check
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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