Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize