Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I could make wine with my vomit
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
