Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its about making memories worth repressing
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I need a beard to bite.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
