2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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