woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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