She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
barbara walters just said penis...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
