She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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