the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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