Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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