OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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