If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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