apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
