did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
