I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
