I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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