We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
