I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize