Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
