Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
