If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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