My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
