for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
