I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
