He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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