They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize