bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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