there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
