remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize