my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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