I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
