Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
COCAINE IS GR8
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
