I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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