Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
