I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
