Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
