I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
