my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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