I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
