Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
