i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
