She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
