Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
