literally had 100 drinks last night.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
