Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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