Umm I'm too high to move.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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