We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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