Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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