i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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