Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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