this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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