i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
