I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
