Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
