Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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