Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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