Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want to fling myself into the sun
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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