as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
