I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
