A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
