at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
