apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
