Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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