I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hippo gnu deer
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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