I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I need moral support for this bender
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize