Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
