I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
