too bad you live with your parents still
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
