12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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