you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
