if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize