i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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