i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
