You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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