i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
