So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
