i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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