Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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