theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
