...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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