You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
