well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
