He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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