you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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