I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
