he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
