I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
