Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize