Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Come share oat with me in your robe
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
