How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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