hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
