Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
