and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
