I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
