This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
