I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
