your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
