She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
