sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
