Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
