He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
