apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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