I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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