If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
