Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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