If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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