where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
